Sophie runs a great advice firm practice in Rockingham, WA.
Unfortunately, as her firm grew, so too did her anxiety.
It was a condition of growing worry caused not only by ‘big’ issues surrounding her clients, compliance and cash flows, but increasingly by simple everyday issues.
Once, when leaving an early morning gym class, Sophie bumped into a client. A simple comment that the client was still waiting for the documents from a meeting they had had a month prior ruined the rest of her week.
Years of positioning herself as being available for her clients were sucking all her capacity.
As her loyal client base ages, the range of difficult choices regarding their investments, health, aged care, or legacy increases.
As they naturally expected her personal care and expertise, she worked more late nights and weekends, wrote more advice, created more file notes, double-checked more of her team’s work, delayed more meetings, and missed more deadlines.
Particularly in her personal life.
She was always the last one out of the office at the end of busy days.
Those of her team who were not working from home were usually out by 5:30 pm-6:00 pm for gym classes, post-work activities, kids’ events, or family dinners.
Her own options were far fewer.
THE PAIN
Research suggests the part of our brains that feels anxiety pains is the same part that feels actual physical pain.
Thus, excessive ongoing worrying can be as debilitating to performance as, say, a worsening hip condition.
However, unlike a bad hip that is usually evident, usually more spoken about, and more likely to get treated, excessive worrying pain can be far more dangerous when left hidden behind a façade of “Everything will be OK”.
Untreated, excessive worry causes our brains to pump out stress hormones, which can affect our lives and well-being, making us a nervous wreck. The restlessness, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, irritability, muscle tension and sleeplessness are not just perceptions; they are real.
Success is always harder to handle than failure.
Unfortunately, if success is not treated, it will feel like failure.
Particularly when business success is so dependent on personal relationships, such as the relationships built in growing advisory firms.
THE SOLUTION
One definition of worry I like is “intolerance of uncertainty.”
Uncertainty is caused by negative thoughts about the possibility of failing to deliver on client promises, making advice errors, and missing client deadlines.
As Sophie’s business grew, so did her workload, her team, and her sense of isolation and stress.
The solution can be a paradox.
It is less about managing that fear of uncertainty.
It’s more about avoidance.
What was Sophie avoiding?
FOCUSING ON AVOIDANCE
Sophie has always focused on growing a good advice firm.
She knows her numbers – her revenues, profits, client satisfaction, client and team retention, number of referrals, compliance and cash flows.
These numbers do not address her increasing anxiety.
She needs new numbers and a new focus to help her address the real problem – her avoidance.
What?
After years of hard work, effort, and investment, Sophie deserves to feel more comfortable.
However, her instincts want to avoid doing or saying anything that might threaten what she has worked so hard to build, elicit difficult emotions, mean going back on past promises to clients or team members, or make her more vulnerable.
Avoiding difficult conversations, situations, or decisions will always reduce vulnerability in the short term. But it does not reduce deeper, longer-term fears.
Taking a path that has repeatedly been avoided, particularly a significant one, needs to be done cautiously.
Confronting significant avoidance issues requires four things.
Time.
Courage.
Skills.
Support.
Each is critical.
Time?
A minimum of approximately twelve weeks to experiment with different practices, to fail, to try again, to fail again, before experiencing real benefits. Time and patience are essential to allow new steps and paths to become familiar and fruitful.
Courage?
Just do it.
Avoiding the “I’ve got too much on,” “I’ll just finish this other project,” or “I’m not ready” excuses, and acknowledging that there will never be a better time.
Courage is needed to recognise that waiting-to-be-ready is a classic avoidance behaviour designed to protect the status quo rather than to achieve true progress toward better outcomes.
Skills?
The skills to know what the new number is, the new focus, the new outcome that is a better milestone on a better path that has been avoided for too long.
Support?
Support is crucial for providing impartial, objective feedback on progress to counter fears of implementation, distressing emotions, and the inevitable disorientation that will occur.
Without these four elements, the gravitational hold of old comfort zones will be hard to resist.
WHERE IS SOPHIE NOW?
Sophie’s calendar has been transformed.
She’s now in half as many client meetings as she was six months ago.
Her team runs the majority of client discoveries, engagements and reviews.
Client retention hasn’t dropped – in fact, several clients have commented on how responsive and attentive the team has become.
Revenue is still growing. The team is performing.
Objectively, it’s working.
But Sophie is still struggling – just not in the way she expected.
THE NEW STRUGGLE
Her struggle isn’t capacity anymore. It’s emotional.
Guilt about going home at 5:30 pm when other team members are still at the office.
The deep urge to double-check with clients that her team is handling things properly.
The impulse to review all the advice strategies before and after meetings she’s not attending.
The feeling that she should be more involved, even though she doesn’t need to be.
WHY THIS HAPPENS
For years, Sophie built her practice on being personally available, personally involved, and personally responsible for all advice.
That identity doesn’t disappear overnight just because the team are now accelerating their own client skills.
Her brain is still wired to believe: “If I’m not there, something will go wrong.”
But the evidence proves otherwise.
We’ve thoroughly trained her team in identifying, delivering, and managing client value.
They can articulate the value each client seeks, position their team’s role and proposition, and price and manage complex client relationships.
Sophie isn’t as needed as she thought.
And that’s uncomfortable.
THE ADJUSTMENT
Breaking out of old comfort zones can create disorientation.
Sophie is experiencing what every founder goes through as they grow properly. The cognitive dissonance between feeling essential and being replaceable in day-to-day operations.
It takes time for the feelings to catch up with reality.
Six months ago, Sophie was overwhelmed – too many meetings, working weekends, missing her own life.
Now she’s in better control – reasonable hours, performing team, loyal clients.
The anxiety hasn’t disappeared entirely, but it’s shifted from “I can’t keep up” to “Am I still needed?”
That’s progress.
THE PATTERN
This is what successful growth in advice firms looks like.
The operational improvements come first (fewer meetings, team capability, and maintained revenue).
The emotional adjustment comes second (letting go of guilt, trusting the team, accepting that “available” doesn’t mean “always present”).
Most advice firm owners expect it to feel comfortable immediately.
It doesn’t.
But six months from now, Sophie will look back and wonder why she ever thought she needed to be in every meeting.
That’s how it always works.
THE CHOICE
If you’re working harder, longer, missing weekends, and feeling increasingly isolated as your team grows, you’re at Sophie’s crossroads.
Path 1: Stay in control. Keep attending too many meetings. Keep checking every piece of advice. Keep being “available.” The anxiety will grow. The isolation will worsen.
Eventually, something breaks.
Path 2: Build team capability in value identification, delivery, pricing and management. Step back from day-to-day meetings while holding team members responsible for their roles and responsibilities. Accept the emotional discomfort of being less needed.
The first three months are uncomfortable. But twelve months later, you’re needed in less meetings, working better hours, and your team is performing.
Sophie took Path 2.
It’s working, even though it doesn’t always feel comfortable yet.
Jim
PS – The discomfort of letting go is temporary. The burnout from trying to do everything is permanent.
Photo Credit: iStock/499257723/VAWiley